Gahhhhhhh!

Apr. 24th, 2011 09:26 am
bubblebear79: (Default)
[personal profile] bubblebear79
So I'm a child of a broken home, actually two broken homes now. And what I'd like to know is, why is it when I say, "Please leave me out of the drama, divorce, anger, and general grumpiness," THAT NO ONE, ESPECIALLY MY DAD (S) LISTENS TO ME!

My mother is not the easiest person to be around, I get that. I get that she pushes men away, she's learned from her mother, who was married FIVE, count 'em, FIVE times.

But my mother tries really hard not to draw me into the middle, she really doesn't. I think it's part of her pushing people away, and keeping things close to the vest more than it is out of motherly concern for my feelings, but I still appreciate being kept out of it.

My Dads though, holy crap, divorce brings out the WORST in them! My biological father, between marrying women who liked using me as a punching bag, my mother included (because I'm not messed up ENOUGH) had more fun dragging my mother's name through the mud, and plying me with candy, sweets, trips to Mexico and Disneyland, and I loved it. I thought that he was showing me love, no, what he was showing me is that he could do things better than my mother, and he loved telling me that. I was A KID, A BLOODY KID and got so confused!

Now my step-father is back from Thailand, where he ran off four years ago with a new girlfriend, and trying to sell my childhood home. He tries his best to draw me into arguing and agreeing with him when he rags on my mom. Like I've said, my mother ain't the easiest to be around, and liked using me as a punching bag every now and then, but I can see that she's actually hurting from her third marriage ending. It's made her face her actions, and she's actually gotten better about being less mean and brutal to people, especially me, which I really appreciate.

I told him, very clearly, "She's hurting. If you could actually talk to each other, talk, not scream, not accuse, but just TALK. Maybe you could find a compromise."

But no, there's no talking, there's just, "Don't you agree that she's a 'you-know-what'?" And I'm drawn into the middle, gahhhhh, please, just leave me out of it!

Sorry for ranting, but just, arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
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July 2011

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